I’ve asked my parents for Moon Shoes for every birthday, Christmas, and special occasion since 2005. They never got them for me when I was little because my Dad “got laid off during the recession” and now they won’t buy them because my “large body would snap the literal rubber bands that hold the shoes together.”
It’s always difficult for me to try to shop for shoes. Laces are too complicated and I can’t stand the sound of Velcro. The only shoe-securing mechanism I can handle is the hard, plastic, back-of-a-cheap-hat strap. Moon Shoes are the only footwear on the market that let you flatten out those pesky foot arches and stomp around like a dinosaur with vertigo all at once!
I’m turning to you to help me fund my final payment of $19.95. The guy from the commercial kept saying that they were easy payments, but I can tell you that it’s been anything but. Between the extra guacamole charge at Chipotle and my failed investments in David Dobrik’s QR code puzzles, I barely have enough money to Venmo my mom for my half of the phone bill.
If I can get these shoes, I’ll finally be able to focus on saving for my next big purchase—a fushigi ball.