It doesn’t even matter what I’m holding. This jackass has absolutely nothing! Look at him, hoodie under a blazer. What are you, a Blade villain? Go run your little vampire ecstasy raves and leave the poker table for us real men. He thinks he knows poker? Yeah right, he probably learned everything he knows from Rounders. That movie is just Rocky for fat losers.
With the help of your generous donations, we can destroy this man’s whole day. I’ve been drinking Red Bull and vodka for the last 16 hours, and I can smell his fear. I can taste it. It tastes like just a little bit of my own puke. Look, the guy’s been lucky, I’ll give you that. He sat down and immediately won three pots, but those hands were against these other idiots. This fucking table is just scared of his whole “professional poker player starter kit” look.
That’s why I’m looking to fundraise a total of $4,632. I’m gonna raise this douche every chip he’s got, and trust me, he’s gonna cry once his bullshit finally gets called. I’m going to win so much money on this hand that I’ll finally be able to afford the World Series of Poker buy-in! That’ll show Ginger I’ve still got the touch. These two 9’s are like a pair of handguns ready to shoot down anyone in my way!
He’s got NOTHING!