There is nothing cooler than seeing a punk show in a former church. I know this, because I went to a church show once when I was visiting my cousins in Pittsburgh.
But Wall, South Dakota doesn’t have anything even resembling a punk church venue. How are we going to get this math/post-hardcore scene started without a proper venue? Don’t worry―I have a plan.
I attended enough Sunday School as a kid that I’m confident that I can start a successful offshoot of modern American Protestantism. “God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food” et cetera, et cetera. Easy peasy. I’ll start it in my dad’s auto repair shop. In a matter of days, I bet this town will be funneling us their direct deposit money to build a church.
We only need enough money to build a decently creepy church with a raised altar. Oh, and we might as well acquire the sound system while we’re still a church. But then, I guess I’ll take one for the team and get accused of… something. I think we’ll start with embezzlement, but if that doesn’t bankrupt the whole she-bang, plan B is to leak accusations of something… else.
At this point we’re home free! One of my friends who went to UNL has some contacts in the Omaha punk scene, so I’ll be able to book tons and tons of shows. Imagine moshing where pews used to be! How dope is that? Before we know it, there’s gonna be a subreddit devoted to the Wall, SD scene.
You’re gonna wish you were there from the beginning. Sure, speaking in tongues is embarrassing, but isn’t not having a sick punk scene even worse?