Got a problem? I don’t give a fuck. Got a solution? Nope. No fucks. Want to complain? Hey, get in line pal. I have so little fucks left that someone asked me for a loan at the fuck store and I could only offer one at 200% interest. See? That’s a percentages joke. That’s how little I care about the entertainment of my potential backers. I do not give a FUCK. So I’m reaching out to the community in case anyone has any fucks lying around.
It started a while back. I was listening to the news in my car where they announced some policy change or something and I said, “You know what? That’s enough. I don’t care what they do anymore as long as I can watch the game at TGI Friday’s and collect my unemployment. I am done. The fucks are up. The fucks are out. The fucks have been given. Go ahead and contribute some fucks to this campaign if you think I should care. Or don’t, because, as you know, I really could NOT give less of one right now.
These people out there want to scare you. What people? I don’t know. I told you. I don’t give a fuck, but I know that they’re out there. I see them at Circle K, spreading fake news that makes me question my decisions. Sheeple. They meddle in everything. They complain. Nothing’s ever good or politically correct enough. I will not follow the herd off a cliff. I am a man of zero fucks. I would rather die alone on a ventilator than question NASCAR. What? See. I don’t even know what I’m arguing about anymore because of the no fucks that I have to give.
All I know is that if you got some fucks to spare feel free to donate them because after 2020, I am spent. I can no longer watch the fake news media. I turn on law and order when I need to know what’s going on. Iced Tea gets it. Zero fucks. None. Be sure to share this fundraiser with your friends and family on social media. Although at this point, I doubt that they have any fucks left to give themselves.