Like everyone in the world, I have found myself with enemies, and as they close in on me, the only thing that can save me is a sick fucking sword. Specifically, this one that can be purchased at the gas station outside of my town. I unfortunately can’t afford the sword on my own because my constant struggle to keep myself safe from my enemies has left me a little financially unstable.
My enemies? They’re powerful and far reaching, but at the same time, they keep to the shadows, so you probably wouldn’t recognize them. They’re definitely real and way more dangerous than, say, the former roommates who hate me for breaking all of their shit practicing my sword moves inside with a broom that I also broke. Hell, they’re even more threatening than my bandmates who I’m pretty sure are plotting against me for constantly beefing in the van. Either way, a sick fucking sword couldn’t hurt those situations either. And I don’t just want it for selfish reasons; the abandoned warehouse I live in with all my friends needs defense and, with this blade in my hands, I could totally step up to fill this role.
The sword itself is a thing of unmatched beauty and deadliness, nestled between the plexiglass case of dragon statues and the cardboard fireworks stand. With its flame-shaped blade, immense size, and skull pommel it is the most fearsome thing in the shop, even more so than the grizzled shopkeep who jealously guards the tobacco products and lotto scratchers.
So I hope that I can count on your alms so that I may purchase this coveted weaponry. It is in no way just a glorified steel paperweight or wall decoration. Rest assured, in the hands of a trained master like myself, even a lump of unfinished steel can be a deadly weapon.
Stretch Goal:
If we can raise an additional $17.99 (plus tax), I can also supplement my armory with this dope scorpion-shaped dagger for close combat purposes.