Support Local Artists: I Make Vagina Pottery That You’ll Have to Hide When You Have Guests Over

Hi, I’m your vaguely artistic ex-coworker, and just because we haven’t talked in five years doesn’t mean that I have any shame in asking you to support my new business. I know that six months ago I was making artisanal candles, but this is my thing now.

Introducing… Pussy Pottery! The ONLY feminist home decor brand that I’m aware of!

In the current political climate, it’s easy to feel helpless. I wanted to make a difference in the world, and instead of doing something boring like voting or charity work, I decided to make art that no one wants. My pottery is handcrafted, and just has a regular old vagina on it. Nothing left up to interpretation. Because if you don’t constantly tell everyone that you’re sex positive, are you really sex positive at all?

I know what you’re thinking, “Wow, Kelsey, that is so brave.” BUT would I call myself brave? Yes. Would I call myself revolutionary? Also yes. Basically, I’m the Georgia O’Keefe of my generation, but without all the hard stuff that she had to deal with (I don’t remember what it was exactly).

With this project, I wanted to capture the raw, sexual power of the female anatomy. And don’t worry, all of the vaginas on my pottery are nice looking, like the ones you see on HBO. Not anything gross. Through my art I hope to finally normalize hot, thin, white bodies, and allow women to embrace their sexuality, as long as it’s not threatening to me. Free the nipple!

My pottery pieces are SO raw and SO sexual that you’ll have to hide them when your mom visits, or when you’re on a video call with your boss. In fact, you should probably just keep it in storage. Also, all the proceeds are going to a cause that I care for deeply, my student loans. Seriously, my dad cut me off and I really need help right now.

Full disclosure, none of my pottery is based on my vagina. I’m shy!